Monday, 26 March 2012

What goes up...

...Must come down

I suppose I was doing a little bit too well. I'm having what could be classed as 'a shit time' (I believe that this is an actual medical term) at the moment and am struggling a bit to get back to a place where I feel ok about everything.

I'm wondering whether it's all fairly normal that DH and I are finding it tough to 'connect'. We've had such a weird relationship over the last four years that maybe now we're on a bit of a come-down - it's all been go go go and while once we were having lots (and lots) of sex at the perfect time and hoping for the next period not to arrive (please please please...Ah drat!), this then morphed into waiting to hear 'the next result' or have 'the next appointment' and now... Well, now it's all just stopped. We've had every result, we've been to every appointment. Now we wait. And think. And wait a bit more.

I think that my diet today (which has roughly consisted of: toast x 3 slices, chocolate bars x4, biscuits x2, McDonalds cheeseburger x1.5, tuna filled pitta x1, banana x1, crisps x1) is testament to my low mood. I do this every time; if I eat lots and get to feel physically bad then I've somewhere to 'put' the emotionally bad. Or something like that. I'm sure it's all textbook but it is truly pants.

I'm going to attempt to get back on track tomorrow and ignore the fact that I'm feeling invisible and unnattractive and not remotely sexy. I will make a massive effort to ignore my painfully low self-esteem (spotty, fat, not a real woman etc etc) and I will stop ignoring/avoiding my friends for fear that they may discover that I'm not as strong as I'm making out.


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