Thursday, 1 November 2012

Well I did not see that coming...

... So, DH and I decided that we should probably broach the subjects of adoption and fostering with DS. Test the waters so to speak.

DS and I have had numerous conversations over the last couple of years around why he doesn't have a brother or sister; I think he has struggled to understand and at times has become cross that while his friends have someone to play with at all times, he doesn't and despite DH and I laughingly correcting him that he isn't infact a 'lonely child' but an 'only child'...We have worried that this is how he perceives himself.
The best explanation I could give him (we've tried to be as age-appropriately honest as possible with him) was just last month when we had the usual tantrum when it was time for his friend to go home - a very vocal objection to the fact that while his friend got to go home and play with his brothers, DS would now spend the rest of the evening alone. After swallowing my hurt firmly down (I 100% realise that my 6 year old is in no way trying to hurt me with his frustration), we had a lovely chat where I explained that the part in mummy's where they grow babies doesn't work in me - that it's broken. He asked a few more questions along the lines of whether it could be mended (nope, sorry), whether dad could grow the baby instead (er, nope...) and did I think he could have the new iCarly DVD (not right now) and then seemed to accept my explanation.

So, cue: made up conversation around a friend and her fictional Fostering arrangement... DH and I started talking about *Carol at work who was having a little girl come and live with their family. As expected, DS' ears pricked up - mum, why does that little girl need to live with your friend? Where are her mum and dad? Jackpot! I thought,  so I went on to explain that sometimes childen aren't able to live with their own families. Why mum? Well, for lots of reasons - sometimes their parents are having lots of problems that they need to work out, sometimes they're poorly and sometimes they just need a rest. Hmmmm...I could see his cogs turning.... And do they always live with the new family? No, sometimes they go home, I said. Ok. At this point his attention switched back to the Disney Channel... So, DS, I said, do you think you might quite like a child to come here and live with us? My friend's daughter is really excited - do you think you would find it exciting?
To his credit, he thought for a moment before replying...
No mum. You see I'm thinking about Christmas. I like presents and sweets so I don't think it would be a good idea to have another child come and live here.

After DH and I had stopped laughing (behind our hands natch), we sat back to consider his response. Admittedly, it was the opposite of what we thought he would say. So, back to the drawing board? Not quite we don't think. Perhaps we need to continue the 'drip drip' of ideas and see where it all takes us. We did, afterall, say that we wanted DS to be very much a part of any decision and in his usual style, he is certainly making his feelings known!

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